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I Was Living My Worst Nightmare!!
By Bernice Dickey, Author "My #1 Is Still My #1" |
I woke up one day, married and the mother of two, in an instant I was living my worst nightmare! My husband and 10 year old daughter were both dead and my 1 year old daughter was the lone survivor of the very same accident that killed them. She was critically injured and I couldn't process the enormity of the multiple losses I was suffering at the same time.
The grief and loss I experienced as a result of this tragedy was more than I had ever known anyone to bear, let alone survive. I was just going through the motions of life, numbed by the pain of grief and loss. I didn't know what to do, nor who to turn to, BUT, GOD!
I remember when dates on the calendar would become huge emotional triggers for me because they reminded me of who wasn't here with me anymore. Birthdays of loved ones who didn't live to see milestone ages that others seemingly took for granted. Wedding anniversaries that left me wondering where we would be on a trip celebrating this year, if he were still here.
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All of that wishful thinking played into my spiraling depression and landed me into that sunken place of darkness and despair. Why did this have to happen, when it happened and to whom it happened (me)? What was the lesson in all of this emotional pain I was experiencing that nobody could see? When I was very depressed, I didn't even know to ask for help because I didn't realize how far gone I was in my depression.
Depression is a huge mountain of toxic emotions turned inwardly that implodes causing a raging inferno that the person may or may not be aware is going on. In my case, I knew something was off but I thought it was everybody else and I was the only one who was sane or fine.
Others could see the signs and manifestations of this internal confusion from the abnormal behaviors I displayed, but they didn't know how to address it. They didn't want to make me (the bereaved) feel any worse and hoped it was just part of my grieving process that would work itself out on its own. In hindsight, my unusual behaviors were really the only way that the "me trapped on the inside of me" could signal an S.O.S. for outside help!
Sadly, only those of us who have come through this dark season of depression and lived to talk about it can recognize it in others when we see it. Our spirits bear witness to their tormented souls because it's all too familiar!
If you've triumphed over anything, then you have dominion over that thing, thus you are equipped to battle with and win on behalf of others. You know where all the minefields are located on the journey to WHOLENESS and can lead the captives to freedom.
That's what I do now when I share my testimony of triumph over tragedy! That's how I regained my strength to live again and to begin again, by telling my story over and over and over again! I became stronger, both emotionally and mentally! Each time I share my story I'm fortified by the resurrection power that's living on the inside of me that has replaced the depression. Once you (we) have overcome a thing, you (we) are charged with teaching and helping others to do the same!
That's how - we set the captives FREE!
That's the - Gospel of Good News!
That's our - Great Commission!
That's - ministry!
I REALLY CAN'T SAY WHEN IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, I JUST KNOW THAT MY SEASON CHANGED. BIRTHDAYS, HOLIDAYS, AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES DON'T TRIGGER ME LIKE THEY USED TO DO ANYMORE. EVEN PASSING BY CAR ACCIDENTS DON'T RATTLE ME AS MUCH NOR SEND ME REELING EMOTIONALLY. IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING (16) YEARS THIS YEAR, BUT I FINALLY MADE IT "HERE"!!
"HERE" IS NOW WHERE MY HEART HAS CAUGHT UP TO MY NEW SEASON AND I CAN FINALLY LIVE IN MY NOW, PRESENT FOR EACH DAY, NOT WISHING FOR MY PAST, NOR DREADING MY FUTURE.
"HERE" IS WHERE I PRESENTLY AM! <3
To learn more about my story you can contact me on my website Click Here
Depression is a huge mountain of toxic emotions turned inwardly that implodes causing a raging inferno that the person may or may not be aware is going on. In my case, I knew something was off but I thought it was everybody else and I was the only one who was sane or fine.
Others could see the signs and manifestations of this internal confusion from the abnormal behaviors I displayed, but they didn't know how to address it. They didn't want to make me (the bereaved) feel any worse and hoped it was just part of my grieving process that would work itself out on its own. In hindsight, my unusual behaviors were really the only way that the "me trapped on the inside of me" could signal an S.O.S. for outside help!
Sadly, only those of us who have come through this dark season of depression and lived to talk about it can recognize it in others when we see it. Our spirits bear witness to their tormented souls because it's all too familiar!
If you've triumphed over anything, then you have dominion over that thing, thus you are equipped to battle with and win on behalf of others. You know where all the minefields are located on the journey to WHOLENESS and can lead the captives to freedom.
That's what I do now when I share my testimony of triumph over tragedy! That's how I regained my strength to live again and to begin again, by telling my story over and over and over again! I became stronger, both emotionally and mentally! Each time I share my story I'm fortified by the resurrection power that's living on the inside of me that has replaced the depression. Once you (we) have overcome a thing, you (we) are charged with teaching and helping others to do the same!
That's how - we set the captives FREE!
That's the - Gospel of Good News!
That's our - Great Commission!
That's - ministry!
I REALLY CAN'T SAY WHEN IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, I JUST KNOW THAT MY SEASON CHANGED. BIRTHDAYS, HOLIDAYS, AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES DON'T TRIGGER ME LIKE THEY USED TO DO ANYMORE. EVEN PASSING BY CAR ACCIDENTS DON'T RATTLE ME AS MUCH NOR SEND ME REELING EMOTIONALLY. IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING (16) YEARS THIS YEAR, BUT I FINALLY MADE IT "HERE"!!
"HERE" IS NOW WHERE MY HEART HAS CAUGHT UP TO MY NEW SEASON AND I CAN FINALLY LIVE IN MY NOW, PRESENT FOR EACH DAY, NOT WISHING FOR MY PAST, NOR DREADING MY FUTURE.
"HERE" IS WHERE I PRESENTLY AM! <3
To learn more about my story you can contact me on my website Click Here
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Posted by community events coordinator, Nzinga Lonstein Austin, is a prolific blogger who writes on the entertainment industry and issues for people with developmental and physical challenges.
She is presently in high school looking to have a career in video, film, and media. You can see more of her entertainment writing on Lonstein Movies.
She is presently in high school looking to have a career in video, film, and media. You can see more of her entertainment writing on Lonstein Movies.
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